Late Night Jokes for June 25, 2012

  • The NBA finals are over —-with Lebron James and the Miami Heat taking the NBA Championship over the Oklahoma City Thunder.  This proves yet again, that all it takes is a young naive rogue selfish jerk that resents the land that raised him to get America to rally in support of Oklahoma City.
  • Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen have signed on be in a movie together.  Filmmakers are considering a number of names to the film: 
    • –The Messiah and the Mess 
    • –The Passion of the Hacks
    • Lethal Weapon 5:  Murdoch Gets Replaced by a Cokehead
    • How to Lose Jewish Friends and Alienate Hookers
  • Celebrity dog Uggie the Jack Russell Terrier put his paws in concrete on Hollywood Boulevard over the weekend.  Entertainment reporters were miffed that in lieu of doing a formal interview, Uggie preferred to sniff reporters’ crotches and pee on the sidewalk.  Reporters said Uggie was attempting to do some sort of R-Kelly impression.
  • The American Academy of Pediatrics is now recommending 1-2 hours of TV per day for kids ages 2-5.  They are also recommending for kids eat to 1-2 bags of Doritos per day, and then wash it down with 6-7 Red Bulls.
  • Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek suffered a mild heart attack over the weekend.  He said the heart attack began when he learned that gas prices in southern California might finally dip below $100-per-gallon.  [*Finger Mustache* What is a ‘sale’?]
  • The Vatican has hired a Fox News reporter to work on improving the Catholic Church’s messaging.  But on his first day at the job, the Fox News reporter was fired for having consensual sex with a grown-up.
  • Chief Justice John Roberts
    • “…Obama stops blaming me for flubbing his oath of office.  It was his fault.”
  • Justice Samuel Alito
    • “…Obama lets me, my wife, and my kids see the pictures of Osama Bin Laden’s bloodied dead corpse.”
  •  Justice Antonin Scalia
    • “…Obama promotes me to Chief Justice, instead of that rat bastard Roberts.”
  • Justice Anthony Kennedy
    • “…Obama can get the American public to stop assuming that I’m a liberal windsurfing womanizing drunk catholic Masshole chowderhead, just because my last name is Kennedy.”
  • Justice Clarence Thomas
    • “…Obama issues an Executive Order to allow Supreme Court Justices to sexually harass their coworkers, as well as decriminalizing the adding of discarded nether region hair to Coke cans if the intent is an all-deliberate malicious prank.”
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