- This week marks the 25th anniversary of the film, Spaceballs. And to celebrate it, Hollywood is producing a remake of Spaceballs starring Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith.
- President Obama was accused of taunting Red Sox fans during a recent visit to Boston. While commenting on the Red Sox’s 80 year World Series drought, he told the crowd, “I don’t believe in sports curses, I just believe in stupid fans and crappy teams.”
- A new sex scandal is jarring Capitol Hill. Paul Ryan was caught having non-consensual sex with an Ayn Rand book
- Martial Arts washout Chuck Norris is slamming Obama for promoting a “pro-gay agenda” in the Boy Scouts of America. And at last, the kickboxing coward has admitted that the one thing that brings out his inner scaredy-cat is a couple of gay men sporting merit badges.
- A new study has shown that brand name cereal companies are advertising their sugary cereals more than ever to children. There are, however, little known advertisements by children’s cereal companies aimed at targeting adults:
–Captain Crunch: “A pirate cereal to start a long day of swindling on wall street!”
–Cocoa Puffs: “Yeah, they look like rabbit shit…but the taste is the exact opposite!”
–Rice Krispys: “If you don’t hear cracking when you add milk, you should probably turn up your hearing aides.”
–Honey Nut Cheerios: “You’re old enough to go behind your mother’s back and get the less healthy Cheerios.”
- It has been 40 years since Title IX was passed, leading to equal provisions for men’s and women’s college sports. Title IX is also being lauded for 40 years of being a great topic of conversation to out a misogynist.
- 66% of Americans favor Obama to defend the United States against a hypothetical invasion by space aliens. The same group of respondents feared that in the same situation, Mitt Romney would only pin them down and shave their heads because they were too “different”.
- A German court has ruled that religious male circumcision is assault. This comes in contrast to the conventional wisdom about foreskin in Germany: “It is inferior, the cause of all problems, and must be eliminated.”