- Today, the White House announced that the administration will not be pursuing any harsher gun laws this election year. After the announcement, the NRA lowered it’s pistol pointed at the government and offered apple pie and kool-aid as promised.
- Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, on a trip to London for the Olympics, questioned publicly whether the city of London is ready to host the Olympic games this weekend. In response Vice President Biden said, “Damn, Romney would make a good Vice President, ay Barack?”
- In reaction to Romney’s negative remarks about the logistics of the Olympics in London, the Mayor of London said that it’s a whole lot easier to put on the Olympics in the middle of nowhere–referring to Utah—where Romney chaired the 2002 Olympics. The citizens of Utah, resenting the Mayor’s characterization, said “We’re not the middle of nowhere, if you read the Book of Mormon, Utah is basically Israel.”
- For two hours this morning, Gchat and Twitter went down, leaving cubical dwellers desperate to find alternative ways to waste their clients’ billable hours.
- A new survey shows that Washington, DC leads the United States in cursing. To reflect this title, the city of DC is altering its license plates to say “Taxation without Motherfucking Representation. Cock.”
- Popstar Madonna was booed off stage after only playing for 45 minutes at a concert in Paris. No one is quite sure why the French crowd turned on Madonna, but some say it might have had something to do with her wearing a shirt that says “Crepes Suck”.
- Rumor has it that there might be an Indiana Jones 5. The current draft of the script revolves around Dr. Jones traveling the world to convince movie-goers that there was never an Indiana Jones 4.