- The latest Mars rover, “Curiosity” landed on the Red Planet, becoming the largest rover ever sent there. NASA contemplated another name for the rover besides, “Curiosity”: Billy the 2-Billion Dollar Camera
- One Project Specialist at NASA, dubbed “NASA Mohawk Guy” was spotted in viral photos all over the internet. He is being compared to another NASA worker photographed when the first Shuttle Took flight: “NASA 1980s Bowlcut Guy”.
- Some deficit hawks in Congress have chided the “Curiosity” Mars mission because of its high cost. NASA scientists have confirmed that those people are the same small-minded miscreants who hated “Back to the Future”.
- Speaking of the United States government dropping another highly technological device on a parcel of land that is not theirs, today is the 67th anniversary of the United States dropping the Atomic bomb on Hiroshima.
- The Huffington Post reported today that the number one way to increase your sex life is to become a better kisser. Specifically, the article says that doing a douchy kissyface in your Facebook profile picture does not count as showcasing your kissing prowess.
- Today Michael Phelps said that although he won’t compete, he plans on attending the Rio de Janero Olympics in 2016—with his mother. He said that he and his Mom are both looking forward to cheering on the United States Olympians —-in between clubbing with hot Brazilians till the sun comes up.
- A better swimmer, Ryan Lachte, today said that in his entire life, he has never had a one night stand. The gold medalist said the main reason was for not having a one night stand was that he was always having to stop halfway through foreplay to get to 1:00 AM swim practice.
- Last week, Arnold Schwartzenegger announced that he is establishing a new institute at USC focused on State and Global Policy. The institute’s mission statement is “to spread modified pushups for peace, and liquid metal cyborgs back in time to stop wars.”
- President Obama warned today that “Romney Hood” will take from the poor and give to the rich. And to woo conservative gun nuts, Obama also said that Mitt Romney will take away your guns and replace them with cumbersome bows-and-arrows.