- Today was the 50th anniversary of the Cuban missile crisis. To show his foreign policy prowess, Mitt Romney emphasized that he can see Cuba from one of his homes in the Cayman Islands.
- Virgin America Airlines is now extending service to Washington National Airport. Mitt Romney said, “this is a victory for abstinent monogamists who crave air travel.”
- Ross Perot endorsed Mitt Romney. In a related story, Ross Perot is still alive.
- Paul Ryan stopped by a soup kitchen, where the kitchen manager said all he did was take photos and didn’t help out at all. Ryan’s spokesman said, “that’s not true, Congressman Ryan helped out for just under three hours.”
- Democrats have complained that President Obama was “too polite” in the first debate. So in the second debate, Obama pledged not to to say “pardon me” before he asks Romney to spare some Grey Poupon.
- Obama’s main goal in debate two was to win over female voters. So during debate two, Obama complained that he’s too cold but just bought a cute pair of winter boots on Amazon. And to appeal to men, Obama set the boots on fire and crushed a beer can on his head.
- KISS frontman Gene Simmons called President Obama a “Piss Poor President”. Obama should be worried because Gene Simmons has years of experience in being piss poor at his job. Knows it when he sees it.
- A woman in Florida is wanted by police for taking an illegal joyride on a wild manatee, or as Mitt Romney calls it, “poor people jetskis.”
- Baltimore Ravens defensive lineman Ray Lewis has torn his tricep and will be out for the remainder of the season. Lewis will be rehabilitating his muscles so he can get back to getting away with murder as soon as possible. Romney sucks.