October 29, 2012
Late Night Jokes for October 29th, 2012 — The Hurricane Sandy Issue
- Halloween was celebrated over the weekend, leading today to be the biggest day of the year for uploading pictures to Facebook. In other words, millions of American citizens voluntarily made it much more difficult for them to run for President in the future.
- Over a million workers on the East Coast are expected to be tele-commuting due to Hurricane Sandy. As a result, the world record will be set for most billable hours while laying in bed wearing only your underwear with a laptop over your crotch.
- Hurricane Sandy is ravaging the East Coast currently, and will be colliding with a cold weather front to create a hybrid super storm. And republican politician Todd Akin advised America that there’s no need for alarm about Hurricane Sandy, because she isn’t a legitimate hurricane.
- Telephone and power lines are expected to go out in some parts of the country due to Hurricane Sandy. This will leave thousands of volunteer auto-dial robots sad and without work at the Romney and Obama campaign headquarters.
- Hurricane Sandy is expected to make landfall on the mid-Atlantic states today. Students at Pennsylvania State University are concerned because they just dealt with Hurricane Sandy’s creep Uncle, Hurricane Sand…usky.
- In an interview with Rolling Stone, President Obama described Mitt Romney as a “bull-shitter”. The Romney campaign has condemned this characterization saying, “The President’s words are offensive and wrong. Everyone knows Romney at his core is more of a horse-shitter.”
- A British Army dog who was killed in combat in Afghanistan was honored with a posthumous medal. And sadly, all of the dog’s relatives were too busy sniffing crotches to accept the medal on his behalf.
- US Senate candidate Tommy Thompson called his opponent anti-Israel and anti-Jewish, despite her having voted for $35 Billion in aid to Israel and consistent praise from prominent Jewish groups. Thompson’s words come at a time when he himself has come under fire for having invested in companies that work with Iranian uranium. So after being a governor, a cabinet Secretary, and a lobbyist, Thompson’s best argument against his opponent has become, “I know you are but what am I?”
- The Civil War novel, Gone With the Wind, is becoming increasingly popular in North Korea. It makes a lot of sense, since like North Korea, at least half the characters in Gone with the Wind hate the United States.
- Erotica book Fifty Shades of Grey is another step closer to being turned into a feature film. The book has been chided for being poorly written. Because of this, the Library of Congress has created a new genre for categorizing books: “shiterature”—a combination of the words “shitty” and “literature”.