Late Night Jokes for November 26, 2012 – Thanksgiving Wrap-up

  • Thanksgiving was last week.  It’s the time of year when people say to themselves, “Of course, this reminds me why I dont keep in touch with my relatives.”
  • Last week, millions of people lined up outside of stores like Best Buy to wait for Black Friday shopping to begin.  And just to make people feel a little more desperate and pathetic, Best Buy employees sat inside the stores watching customers come up with crafty ways of going to the bathroom while standing in line.
  • Wal-Mart started its Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving night at 8:00 PM.  Cuz face it, if you’re shopping at Wal-Mart, missing Thanksgiving dinner with your family isn’t the worst of your problems.
  • President Obama, per White House tradition, pardoned a Turkey last week.  During the pardoning ceremony, the turkey had a big family, was loud, made annoying noises, and even snapped at the President.  So they named the turkey Mitt Romney.
  • Medical marijuana dispensaries in southern California were shut down recently.  As a result, federal authorities are expected to get an increase in holiday ‘thank you’ cards from leaders of the drug cartels.
  • Jack Taylor, a basketball player for Grinnell University, set an NCAA record with 138 points scored in a game against Faith Baptist Bible College.  And with that, Jack Taylor proved that God doesn’t give a shit about sports.
  • English performing artists Coldplay announced that they will be taking a 3-year break from playing together.  They warned fans not to worry, because in the mean time, there’s plenty of other shitty new music out there to meander to.
  • Historians during the last two weeks were proven wrong–yeah, they said there is no way Lincoln would do well in the theatre.
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