Late Night Jokes for December 10, 2012 – Chanukah Edition Part 1

  • Chanukah began on Saturday.  It’s the festival of lights.  Otherwise known as the eight nights per year that Jewish mothers let their kids play with fire and gamble.
  • Chanukah is also a time of year when non-Jews take pause—when they nervously try to wish their Jewish friends “happy—-[pause]—-Chanukah?”
  • Chanukah lasts eight days and eight nights.  This is different from tantra, which lasts for 8 continuous days and nights, and one awkward trip to brunch on the ninth morning.
  • Today is the anniversary of the last Moon landing, Apollo 17.  Each of the 6 Moon missions left a stone plaque with the names of the astronauts plus the President of the United States of America engraved on it.  So say what you want about Richard Nixon, but his name is written in stone six times on the Moon.   I will repeat it:  out of all of the 100 billion humans that ever lived, no one has their name on the Moon more than Richard Milhous Nixon.
    • Q:  What has 6 boobs and 6 dicks?
    • A:  The US Supreme Court
  • It was revealed that “Gangnam Style” singer Psy used to appear at anti-America events in South Korea.   Psy has insisted that he no longer holds such views.  In his defense, what could be more American than changing your political opinions once people start giving you lots and lots of money?
  • The Grammy nominees came out last week and South Korean YouTube star Psy was not nominated.  Psy was thought to be a shoe-in for “The Macarana Award for Most Annoying Foreign One Hit Wonder With a Dumbass Dance”.
  • The New Orleans Hornets are mulling changing their team name.  Here are some of the top choices by fans:
    • New Orleans Jazz —-Yes, they will have a natural rivalry with the Utah Jazz
    • New Orleans Corruption
    • New Orleans Springbreakers
    • New Orleans Indigestion
    • New Orleans Oilers
  • Mitt Romney met Manny Pacquiao right before Pacquiao lost the big fight Saturday night.  Romney warned Pacquiao that disenfranchising his opponent’s supporters may not always lead to victory.
  • Mitt Romney, Snooki, and Steven Segal were all at the big Pacquiao fight on Saturday night.  It was No Talent Failure night at the MGM Grand.
  • Hundreds of men participated in the Santa Speedo Run in Germany.  Santa himself did NOT participate in the run, because Speedo does not make trunks in size 400
  • On the show the X Factor, judge Britney Spears said a 13 year old contestant reminds her of herself.  Later that night, the 13-year-old shaved her head and made out with Madonna.
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