Late Night Jokes for 12-12-12

  • Sir Paul McCartney joined Nirvana members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic in a concert for Hurricane Sandy victims.  They thought the chorus to the song Smells Like Teen Spirit would be fitting for the victims:  “With the lights out, it’s less dangerous…”
  • The Spice Girls Musical debuted in London. Kate Middleton was in attendance.  And the next day during her ultrasound, her fetus was seen with its arms crossed, still very annoyed.
  •  A poll of Americans think Santa Claus is a Democrat.   The poll also said that many Americans think that the Grinch is Newt Gingrich.  You can’t spell Gingrich without Grinch.
  • For the first time ever, Sesame Street is going to tackle the issue if divorce.  This is possible because the US Supreme Court yet to outlaw marriage between a Muppet and a Muppet.
  • It’s just about two weeks until 2013.  And instead of having flying cars and hover boards, we—members of humankind—- have Gangnam Style and Fiscal Cliffs—aren’t we versatile?
  • Four days left of Chanukah.  Fourteen days till Christmas.  And 19 days left until we vomit our way into another calendar year.
  • President George W. Bush is going to be a grandfather.  He said he looks forward to seeing his grandchild learn to read, go potty training, and do other things that he himself never got around to learning.
  • A top Vatican spokesman said that despite the Mayan calendar, the world will not end on December 21st.  He said that the world ended once Honey Boo Boo got her own TV show.
  • Scientists say that they have evidence of cheese being created over 7000 years ago. The evidence was found beneath Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
  • A British study says that Great Apes can have mid-life crises.  In nature, some Great Apes were spotted grooming younger Apes, getting tattoos of their favorite bands, and drastically changing their fur-style.
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