Late Night Jokes for December 13, 2012

  • A 2000-year-old copy of the Ten Commandments was recently published online.  This version was slightly different, because commandment two read, “It’s okay for gays to get married.”
  • Google just implemented changes that will make it more difficult to find porn on the internet.  Yup, every time you Google porn, a disclaimer will come up that says, “Your door may be shut, but God is watching you.”
  • Pope Benedict has released a children’s book.  It’s titled, How to Keep Secrets from Mommy, Daddy, AND Jesus.
  • At the 12.12.12 Concert for Hurricane Sandy relief, Kanye West performed while wearing a leather skirt.  His fashion team said it’s all part of a new trick to dress Kanye up in whatever they want, and then flatter his ego until he actually thinks it looks good.
  • Police in Ohio had to break up a fight between two neighbors, named Hall and Oates.  And just like the music, the fight sucked.
  • Sarah Palin’s son Track has filed from divorce from his wife.  Apparently Track caught her sleeping with a man named Cross Country.
  • The satellite that North Korea launched this week is unstable.  Good for North Korea, there’s absolutely no chance that they’ll accidentally bomb one of their friends, because they have zero of them.
  • There is going to be a made-for-TV movie about the 2012 election.  Barack Obama will be played by Will Smith.  And Mitt Romney will be played by a hollow pole wearing a suit.
  • This week, the Senate floor has been used for farewell speeches for retiring Senators.   Unfortunately, not a single retiring republican Senator apologized for bickering like a snotty little school child for the past four years.
  • During his retirement speech, all Joe Lieberman said was, “Hey remember when I was basically elected Vice President, but then Florida had to screw it all up?  Happy Chanukah, bitch.”  And then he swept every thing off his desk and left the chamber with his middle finger in the air.
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