Late Night Jokes for December 16, 2012

  • A law went into effect requiring TV commercials to be a lot quieter.  Unfortunately, the law didn’t outlaw TV commercials from attempting to sell you useless vegetable slicers you don’t really need.
  • NASA has hired prison inmates to make mechanical parts for space vehicles and satellites.  And in a few years, NASA looks forward to launching the Space Shuttle EatShit into orbit.
  • The Hobbit movie was released in theaters this weekend.  This explains why there was a lower concentration of dorks and dweebs at holiday parties on Friday and Saturday night.
  • On Saturday, in many cities across the country, a Santa Claus bar-crawl was held—where people dressed as Santa get drunk and stay drunk all day long.  At last year’s event, the real Santa showed up and had a few drinks…which was evident from the many children who reported finding vomit and Advil in their Christmas presents.
  • Physicist Stephen Hawking received a $3 Million prize for his work on quantum gravity.  With his spoils, Hawking will first be replacing his talk box computer voice with that of Samuel L. Jackson.
  • The Los Angeles Lakers are now on a four-game losing streak.  Because of this, riot season in south Los Angeles is starting a bit earlier than the typical spring months.
  • The Queen of England will be broadcasting her annual Christmas message in 3D this year.  Experts predict it will be just like Girls Gone Wild in 3D, except the exact opposite.  You know, ‘cuz that typically takes place in the spring.  And she’s old.
  • A Dutchman recently finished building a life-size replica of Noah’s Ark.  And five minutes into the Ark’s maiden voyage, the Dutchman was mauled to death by a pack of disgruntled hungry passengers.
  • MTV is premiering a reality show called Buck Wild, which follows young folks in rural West Virginia.  It is expected to be like Real World— just with more coal mining accidents.
  • The network Fox decided not to air new TV episodes of Family Guy and American Dad in light of the tragedy in Connecticut on Friday.   Unfortunately, Fox did decide to air episodes of FoxNews as planned.

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