Late Night Jokes for January 14, 2013 – Golden Globes Recap

  • During Jodie Foster’s speech at the Golden Globes, she said she was gay, 50, and friends with Mel Gibson.  To that, Mel Gibson said, “At least she didn’t say she was Jewish”.
  • Mel Gibson attended the Golden Globes on Sunday.  While seated next to Steven Spielberg, Mel Gibson tried to convince him that Schindler’s List was not based on a true story.
  • Some places in America reached record low temperatures on this week. Because of this, it was reported that “hey, dontcha think this weather sucks” was the most common pick-up line on Monday.
  • Many people in Southern California have been completely unprepared for the bitter cold.  In fact, skateboarder Tony Hawk put snow chains on his skateboard.
  • President Obama is coming under fire because his current administration has less diversity than his first one.  In a related story, Joe Biden had a tree house on the White House lawn constructed, and on the doorway a sign  read “NO GUЯLS ALLOWED”.
  • Steven Tyler and his fiancé have split up.  His fiancé left him after Tyler ruined her birthday party by singing her his hit song “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”.
  • Israel made weight minimums for their model industry to eliminate ultrathin models.  So the next centerfold in the Israeli version of Playboy will feature a model nicknamed Holly Challah-Ass.
  • Biologists say that wet fingers evolved to become wrinkly for a better grip.  But these days, wet fingers indicate to humans that it’s time to get the hell out of the shower, you’re using up too much hot water.
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