- Seth MacFarlane said that he will not host the Oscars again. So in other words, the Oscars are going to give being unfunny and sterile a try again next year.
- A 24-year-old father at a Van Nuys, California was arrested for leaving his 2-year-old daughter in his pick-up truck. His defense was, “changing poopy diapers in the strip club would have really hurt my chances of hooking up with a stripper.”
- The International Olympic Committee has dropped Wrestling from the 2020 Olympics. The sport is not likely to return unless some combination of jello, mud, or nudity is involved.
- A 7th-grader attached a Hello Kitty doll to a balloon and sent it to space for a science fair project. Although the contraption was complicated and expensive, the girl was flunked because her parents clearly did the project for her.
- A study says that Alcohol consumption may ward-off dementia. And for non-alcohol drinkers, vomiting and beating one’s family members is also a great way to ward-off dementia.
- Actor Steven Segal has been educating Arizona security officers on martial arts. After that, Segal got to be a guest lecturer on the secrets to filming flop movies and winning Razzies.
- A new study says that sex makes people happiest. In a close second was free WiFi and watching footage of other people having sex.
- Ikea has been caught selling Swedish meatballs containing horse meat. Their spokesman’s defense was “It could be worse, Bed Bath and Beyond’s meatballs contain human meat”.
- A technology publication has said that iPhones should be protected from winter weather. So now Paris Hilton won’t be the only materialistic weasel that shops for NorthFace coats for her iPhone.
- A new study says that human brains can remember a blog post much better than a novel. So the next 50 Shades of Grey novel will be about combining bondage and cat videos.
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