- So we have a new Pope….521 years after Columbus, the Catholic Church finally poaches a Pope from The New World.
- If I lived in the Sistine Chapel, I’d take an Instagram pic of the the original Menorah from the Temple that the Romans destroyed 2,000 years ago. Aww too soon?
- Currently, the world is anxiously awaiting to hear what awesome stuff the new Pope opposes.
- The Beach Boys have already penned a song about the new Pope: “The Little Old Man from Argentina” Go, granny, go.
- Unfortunately, Dennis Rodman was not selected as the new Pope. He could have gotten the Catholic Church to REBOUND from recent scandal.
Okay in other news involving hollow people…
- Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush called the Media “Crack addicts”. So I guess abducted white girls and thunderstorm warnings are the new crack.
- Facebook has redesigned its newsfeed to act more like a social newspaper. To compete with this, the New York Times will be adding more cat pictures to their main section.
- President Obama took republicans out to dinner Thursday night and then picked up the tab. The republicans then called him a socialist for sharing his money.
- Rumors are spreading around the world that North Korea has threatened to nuke the United States. We found out about this after the CIA waterboarded Dennis Rodman.
- Last week, horse meat was discovered in Ikea’s meatballs. Today it was discovered in Ikea’s hot dogs. Ikea said that the meatballs are returnable for a cash refund, as long as it is in its original mislabeled packaging.
- In the Netherlands, a man is being accused of turning a gym into a brothel. Officials became suspicious when the only workout machine was the leg-spreader.
- Justin Bieber went on a twitter rant and listed things he is annoyed about. #1 is the media, #2 is the paparazzi, and #3 are the bouncers at the 18 and up clubs that think he is only 12.
- Scientists have made a robot that can make cookies. The robot is being called “The average American”.
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