Late Night Jokes for September 30, 2013

The finale to AMC’s “Breaking Bad” drew 10.3 Million Viewers last night . . . the 300 million Americans not watching were too busy making meth.

The production to the CNN documentary on Hillary Clinton was suspended today. The producers thought that the portrayal of Bill was just way too big.

Philadelphia and Washington, DC have each started exploratory committees to host the 2024 olympics. DC has said they will instigate a new event, the 200-meter mugging. And Philly said they will start a new event called “Team Yelling Obscenities While Wearing Facepaint”.

OJ Simpson is back in the news. He penned an Op/Ed titled, “I May Be Civilly Liable for Two Murders, but I Never Took Steriods.

Starting this week, PopularScience.com will no longer accept comments on new articles. When asked why they got rid of comments, Popular science said it was because “comments are gay lol”.

Scientists may have discovered a better treatment for the Ebola virus. As a result, Dustin Hoffmann is looking to make a sequel to “Outbreak”—90 minutes of people just getting vaccinations injected into their butt.

A study has shown that when venturing to the beach, you have to be alert for sewage. The study also said that you have to be sure not to go blind when a stretch-marked tattooed person asks you to put extra sunscreen on their hairy back moles.

The bodyguards of Tom Brady and his wife Giselle are facing gun charges after an incident at the couple’s wedding. Brady is going to write a book about the situation called, “all my friends are murderers.”

Clint Eastwood and his wife Diana have split. They have said they want to yell racial slurs at kids with other people.

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