Late Night Jokes for October 1, 2013

Apple and Google have now overtaken Coca-Cola as the most popular brands in the United States. And when Congress re-convenes, the national motto of the United States will be changed from “E Pluribus Unum” to “Come for the WiFi, Stay for the Soda”.

Some people are concerned that the new Health Care marketplace opening today will lead to overcrowding at doctor’s offices. But in order to sign up, you need internet access. So rest assured, the internet mandate will still keep millions of poor impoverished Americans from getting health care.

A tabloid is reporting that Justin Bieber was carried up the Great Wall of China by his body guards. But it wasn’t before long that Bieber’s body guards started to brawl with Mongolian warriors.

Scarlett Johansson admitted that her SAT score was slightly above average . . . this was corroborated by the guy who took the SAT for her —-claiming Scarlet was “slightly above average at giving hand jobs”.

Universal will be releasing a movie version of the computer game, “World of Warcraft” in late 2015. Producers are worried, however, that the only people who would see a World of Warcraft movie might not go because they’ll be too busy playing World of Warcraft.

The Federal Government shutdown last night has resulted in 800,000 federal workers to be furloughed without pay. At the National Forest Service headquarters, Smokey the Bear was spotted at the front door shouting “c’mon let me in, I left my cigarettes at my desk!”

The inaugural YouTube Music Awards will be headlined by Lady Gaga and Eminem in November. The other featured headliner will be a 12-year-old middle-schooler playing Lady Gaga and Eminem dubstep mash-ups off his Macbook Air.

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