Late Night Jokes for October 12, 2013

In Government shutdown news, President Obama and John Boehner have agreed that both sides need to keep talking…shit about each other behind their back.

A recent study showed that men are more concerned than women about penis size. The survey was conducted with Hummer owners, reality TV stars, and Anthony Weiner.

Reality TV star Bruce Jenner was recently photographed sporting a pony tail. When asked why he wore a pony tail, he said that he and ex-wife Kris enjoyed playing pin the tail on the dickhead.

Breaking Bad props were auctioned at a fundraiser which grossed nearly $1 million. One bidder offered $10,000 for a pair of Walter White’s tighty-whities. He later demanded his money back, citing clear evidence that the undies have been since washed.

A brand-new Cadillac ELR for 2014 will cost almost $80,000. Their slogan will be “Now for Pimps AND Retirees”.

Charlie Hunnam, who was slated to play Christian Grey in the upcoming film adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, has dropped the project. He said it was a a difficult decision to make, especially because the film will literally whoop-ass.

The Boston Red Sox will play the Detroit Tigers for a shot at the World Series. Many people are rooting for the Red Sox to win it all, particularly because it will prove that there was no 80 year curse of the billy goat, the Red Sox just sucked for two generations.

A study has shown that extra sleep on the weekend does not replace sleep lost during the weeknights. People that need extra sleep would have issued a counter argument, but they were too irritable to dispute the study.

National Geographic is running a story about how African Elephants can understand and respond to human gestures. Among the most recognizable human gestures garnering an elephant response involves a human driving a Jeep with a passenger brandishing a chainsaw and dart gun.

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