Late Night Jokes for February 16, 2014

The United States military has unveiled a new military armor suit that is so burly that it has been called the “iron man” suit. And this fall, the US Military is expected to replace all Humvee vehicles with Batmobiles.

This weekend, Mitt Romney said of former President Bill Clinton, “he embarrassed the nation.” Romney then added that his five children are living proof that he himself has only had sex five times.

On Friday, a man gave his dying wife one of his kidneys on Valentines Day. But because he was sedated for the surgery, he forgot to call his mother in law and he’s now in deep shit.

At the Sochi Olympics, the US Men’s Hockey team beat the home-town Russian hockey team in a shoot out. While some say this is analogous to the 1980 Miracle on Ice, the only real miracle is that President Vladimir Putin let the victorious US team leave the arena with all of their fingers still attached.

The new “Lego Movie” earned $60 Million at the box office this past weekend. It is reported that the two main demographics at the movie have been ecstatic children, and their bored angry parents.

Facebook is now offering custom gender answers for the profiles of users who do not identify as simply male or female. To appease their users who oppose this change, Facebook has said if you disagree with this, we will replace your selected gender with “bigot asshole”.

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