Late Night Jokes for January 19, 2015

  • A new study shows that iPhone separation anxiety is not only real, but negatively affects cognitive ability.  The study was conducted by thousands of parents during dinner with their teenagers.
  • Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee said that President Obama shouldn’t let his daughters listen to Beyonce.  Obama fired back, “well you shouldn’t let your kids listen to Ted Nugent!”
  • A former Mitt Romney advisor said this week that if Mitt were president, there wouldn’t be an ISIS at all.  Yes, Romney would have ousted ISIS with his binders full of women.
  • A superfight between Manny Pacquio and the undefeated Floyd Mayweather is being tentatively scheduled for the first weekend of May.  Mayweather would have been excited after reading the contract, but unfortunately, Mayweather can’t read.
  • Director James Cameron announced that the next ‘Avatar’ sequel’s release will be delayed until 2017.  He’s still figuring out how far over budget he plans to go.
  • Southwest Airlines was fined $1.5 million for stranding passengers on tarmac.  And to pay for it, Southwest will be raffling off all checked baggage.
  • Shots were fired near the Delaware home of Joe Biden’s.  In a related story, Dick Cheney was hunting in Delaware this weekend.

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