Late Night Jokes for January 26, 2015

  • Kanye West is designing uniforms for the NBAs Washington Wizards.  And even though Washington hasn’t won a NBA title in 37 years, their jerseys now say “greatest team of all time”.
  • Guitarist Tom DeLonge has quit his band Blink 182.  He hasn’t taken this much shit for quitting something since his mom grounded him after he  quit high school.
  • Mitt Romney said this week, ‘I’m One Of Those Republicans’ Who Believes In Climate Change”.  And of course by climate change, Romney means firing people in offices and making for a more miserable job climate.
  • Justin Bieber is going to be roasted on Comedy Central.  Expect there to be many more jokes than in past roasts, since everyone will be skipping the part where they praise Bieber for all the things they like about him.
  • A massive snow storm is about to hit New York and New Jersey.  And unfortunately, 9 months from now, there will be many more New Yorkers and New Jersians.
  • A Stanford graduate has received $2.1 million to develop a version of Tinder exclusive to the nation’s top universities.  You can download the app at elitist douchebag dot com.
  • A study says that ‘woman on top sex’ is the riskiest type of intercourse for men.  The study says that letting the woman get what they want so early in the relationship can set a terrible precedent.
  • SkyMall is going bankrupt.  So now airlines are scrambling to figure out what magazine to put in seatbacks for passengers to stick their gum in.
  • The film “Mrs. Doubtfire” is being turned into a Into stage musical.  And to play the starring role of the hip old cross dressing granny that sings, is Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler.   DUUUUUUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY.
  • Benjamin Netanyahu conspired with Speaker John Boehner to speak to a joint session of the United States Congress—without clearing it with President Obama first.  And to get back at him, President Obama will be doing a Ted Talk at the Western Wall in Jerusalem about “What to do with an uninvited guest”.
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