Late Night Jokes for February 9, 2015

  • The Grammy Awards were held in Los Angeles on Sunday night.  And U2 was nominated for best elevator music masquerading as rock.
  • Bruce Jenner was involved in a fatal car wreck in Malibu this weekend.  And although he is still undergoing sex conversion therapy, he’s already driving like a woman
  • Tickets to the film “Fifty Shades of Grey” go on sale this week.  Box office experts predict the movie to dominate and whip some ass.
  • Snoop Dogg’s son has accepted an offer to play football for UCLA.  He says the biggest challenge for his freshman year will be passing the drug test.
  • NBC’s Brian Williams is taking self-imposed leave after it was revealed that he knowingly-misreported his role in an attack during the Iraq war.  It could be worse, he could have been caught for pretending to be an impartial voice while reporting about the war.
  • A study says that people who get paper bills in the mail are more likely to have better credit history than those who just get their bill emailed. In conclusion, pro-recycling environmentalists are just broke-ass hippies.
  • Rush Limbaugh has taken the credit for MSNBC’s lower ratings recently. He claims he sat on them.
  • A story broke that a former aide to republican representative Aaron Schock starred in a 1999 film that preached converting Jews to baptism.  The aide defended himself saying that the film contributed to the successful Jewish-to-baptist conversion of nobody.
  • The widow of Neil Armstrong found a secret stash of moon mementos in the late astronaut’s closet.  Upon further review, however, it turned out to just be a black and white photo of Kim Kardashian’s ass.  It was a full moon.
  • Harper Lee, after 50 years, will be releasing a sequel to To Kill A Mockingbird.  It’s called “To Kill A Mockingbird 2:  Cruise Control”

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