I would get you flowers for Valentine’s Day, but I know you will just throw them out before February 20.
The saddest part about watching the The Simpsons is accepting that I will never meet and hug the actual Homer J. Simpson.
It’s cool if you like Ronald Reagan. As long as you understand… that is the #1 reason you will never be invited to my birthday party.
My dog does not like you. …he and I just noticed that you smell like stale Doritos and cheap bacon.